Cool off the burnout potential with a Purposeful No!

It’s that time again. To collectively go ‘back to school,’ hopefully after some summer sun and fun.

In years past, August has been a proper recharge for me. When I lived in Europe, I bought wholly into the practice of closing the office for the final two weeks of August, and found that approach to work excellently for my teams even back in the US. Usually, I use these weeks for a combination of staycation vegetation – more sleep, overlooked house tasks, visits with friends – and some restorative travel.

I’ve gotten some of that this year, and I am grateful for it. But August 2022 does not have the same vibe of R&R that I have felt and seen among friends and colleagues in years past.

And that worries me. Well over two years after the initial Covid-19 pandemic and lockdowns, we have certainly entered some kind of ‘new normal’. Life is different, but not yet settled. The health risks, life upheavals, and work disruption continue apace.

Which makes the risk of burnout frighteningly high right now. And you burning out is not good for anyone – yourself, your team, your family, or the rest of your world, which needs your full brilliance as much as ever.

There are plenty of well-known ways to dodge burnout, including rest and sleep, what and how we eat, physical activity, mindfulness practices, interpersonal connections, and pleasure. But there is one tool that outperforms all the rest in terms.

Saying no. And specifically, saying ‘enlightened,’ or as I call them “Purposeful No’s”. Simply saying ‘no’ to more things than you currently say no to is a start. But as humans, we’re inclined to please and agree, so it’s actually incredibly hard.

Getting yourself to a “purposeful No” is easier to stick by because it feels less arbitrary. Here’s a step-by-step guide to the most powerful tool for protecting yourself from burnout now and beyond.

Is There Even A Question To Say No To?

A purposeful ‘no’ reflects some thought about the action you’re being asked (by yourself or someone else, explicitly or implicitly) to do. The first critical and often overlooked step is to identify whether there’s really an ask at all. Often, we just project ‘shoulds’ that we imagine someone else is asking us to do, but is actually not an expectation.

For example, I used to feel obliged to provide an evening meal for my family every night. This added up to a lot of meals and as quarantine wore on, I was growing fatigued – and frankly, frustrated. But in examining this ‘expectation,’ I realized it was coming from no one other than myself. They’re often thrilled eating leftovers, take-out, or a simple ‘kitchen sink’ salad from what’s in the fridge. Now, I say a purposeful No to making dinner on Wednesday, and communicate ahead of time about everyone’s dinner plans on other nights so I can meal plan and prep ahead of time on particularly busy days.

Similarly, for most of my decade as a CEO, I assumed that my team was ‘asking’ me to run meetings. A younger staff member finally asked whether I enjoyed running the meetings or not, and when I confessed that I didn’t, she offered to take over. She loves it, our meetings run better, and we hear more, different voices thanks to her facilitation.

What is a “Purposeful No”?

The first step is to weed out these kind of self-imposed expectations. But once you determine that there is a real ‘ask’ or ‘expectation,’ not just your own assumption that someone wants you to do this thing, consider these three questions:

Am I the best person [available] to do this action?

Will I get or create more wellbeing in the world by doing this action than the discomfort or burden it will cause me?

What will this action prevent me from doing, and is that OK with me?

Once you’ve answered these questions, you’ll feel much more convicted saying ‘no,’ because it’s just not in the collective best interest for you to say yes!

What do “Purposeful No’s” look like in real life?

It’s helpful to frame “Purposeful No’s” in the Me, We, and World dimensions.

Me:

There are “no’s” that I have to say to myself. Some are of the “No, don’t buy that color of your favorite Athleta pants,” and “No, don’t count Instagram likes,” variety. Others are more the “No, you don’t have to do that today – it can wait until next week,” flavor. And others are, “No, you’re not lazy or crazy. It takes time, timing, effort, luck, and support to build a profitable business.”

Stopping myself from these distracting and/or self-destructive activities (or thoughts) helps me stay on track.

We:

For all the teams I know and work with these days, there is far more that we’d like to get done than is superhumanly possible. So get good at saying, “No,” to, with, and for each other. Examine the ‘shoulds,’ the urgent-but-not-importants, and the legacy or ‘everyone else does it this way’ tasks. Closely. Critically. And eliminate as close to all of those things as possible.

World:

Saying no for ourselves and our teams has powerful ramifications for increasing equity across all kinds of divides (racial, gender, body- and mind-ableness). Working long hours assumes that you don’t have care responsibilities for children or elders; a side hustle to make ends meet; or temporary or permanent health restrictions that limit the number of hours you can feasibly dedicate to your primary job.

When you have the courage to say no, set boundaries, and do less, you shift our collective expectations of activity, whether at work or in our lives. That shrinks the disadvantage facing folks with physical, mental, logistical, or other factors that prevent them from spending 14 hours a day on their ‘full-time’ job. And enables more of us to contribute our unique best, and ultimately, get recognized, promoted, and paid.

Why Do Purposeful No’s Matter in the World?
As a result of this purposeful approach to saying ‘No,’ the important work you have to do on this planet will be enabled and expanded, uncluttered by all the expectations that don’t align with your best forms of contribution. Your teams and families will be grateful – I know mine are – for the mind and calendar space provided by buzz-cutting your commitments, and the R&R vibes that result.

So, as you look at that September or Q4 calendars – which I know are already overcrowded with meetings, planning sessions, galas, family holidays, workouts, parent-teacher nights, and more – use our three questions as a finer-tooth comb that can help you sort out the purposeful ways you want to contribute from the rest. And then generously distribute a lot of Purposeful No’s!

If you’d like to learn more about how to distribute more Purposeful No’s, please get in touch!

Author: Nell Derick Debevoise, Partner, PurposeFused